you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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