Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
