Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
