my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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