omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
