you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
operation have a gay friend backfired
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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