I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
