Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
