come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
