I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
