She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
