I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.