All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
