Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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