my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
