I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
