I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
