17 year olds will be the death of me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
