giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
