If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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