dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
