you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
