I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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