I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
