She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
