Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
