If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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