just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
