Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Randomize
