And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
how drunk are you?
Several
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
