mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
