i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
