just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
