he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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