seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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