i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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