You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
