You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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