Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize