I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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