peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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