Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
