Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
