I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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