My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
