yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
