Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
