I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
