Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
