I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
