You're so nebulous sometimes
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
