i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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