At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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