Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
