we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
