Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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