I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
