Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
