Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just cropdusted the office
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't deserve a penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize
