my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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