why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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