Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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