we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
