Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
