So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
