so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
