In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's the barista slut.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
