Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
