You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
