drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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