Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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