i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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