all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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