My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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